Today is the day when the hubs rescued me two years ago. The day I've been calling "my second 2nd birthday."
At the gym people often bring in treats for birthdays. Last night the hubster stood by me in the kitchen as I slowly integrated puffs of confectioner's sugar into a cream cheese icing for my gingerbread mini-cupcake. He asked, "Whose birthday is it?" and I kept quiet, staring into the whirling machine.
He doesn't like to talk about that day. It's understandable how traumatic it was for him! It did sting a little to realize that he had forgotten the anniversary though. I tried to get away with not telling him and in the end, whispered, "It's mine."
He breathed a heavy, "Ahh." Came toward me and pulled me into a hug as our eyes mutually drew tears. Distraught at the memories and then amazed to discover how long ago it felt. We are getting further and further from that day. No matter how messy the year behind went or the one ahead goes, any progress forward is a beautiful victory.
Tonight we get to have a dinner together. I've been struggling with anxiety and tears. Feeling lonely and struggling to reach out to friends that I see nearly everyday. I can speak about it all when asked. It's much more difficult to share out of the blue!
With the husbands' working situation fluctuations of late, we're in a month without insurance. A month when I really should've been in for ECT a week ago and are now having to schedule out for May. It is scary. I've been feeling "off" and weakened, hoping for ECT to help. For now, I'm trying to hang on and be satisfied with less. My schoolwork hasn't been going well.
Moving on. No need to rehash more of what haunts me right now.
Wish I could spend more time here, I really must make sure I eat enough and get enough water after such a work out this morning.
Hope to type again soon. <3 Gratitude, hugs, and love.