All those Saturdays are to be read in an Elton John rhythm. That'll be stuck in my head for a while!
Anywho. Our Saturday had some ups and a big down. It's been a little rough moving on so I haven't posted about it til now.
The initial plan was for the hubster to go down to my folks' and meet up with my dad and a family friend to kill a bottle of whiskey in honor of their acquisition of said top 3 whiskey of the year. (the hubs and my dad and this guy have turned into whiskey collecting aficionados) It turned into a house party with BB and I coming along, along with the wife of family friend (another family friend).
***Yes, I understand three grown men killing a bottle of whiskey can sound pretty awful. They have a great time together but yes, my dad was a hurtin' unit the next day. Thankfully doesn't happen often at all***
I hung out with my mother and family friend for most of the night and then joined up with the boys for a fire and some extra desserts later in the evening. We ended up swapping birth stories somehow and it was nice to see my dad reminiscence. I always like talking about BB's birth too,
SO, the big down. While we were in the kitchen scrambling around desserts the family friend (husband not wife) touched my ass in an inappropriate manner. Not sure there is an appropriate manner.... He grazed a knuckle across me as he passed by. These ass-centric violations have happened a couple of times before. It always makes me feel disgusting and violated.
I wasn't sure how to broach the subject although I came very close to blurting out something. The hubs didn't see what happened and didn't offer much support. He admitted later that it was a mistake for him to say, "Well, it was your fault for being in the 'firing zone' around the desserts." Last I checked, I have a right to stand wherever I want at least when desserts are concerned.
Ugh, such nasty feelings. So much anger. The day after I didn't want the hubster near me or touching me. Hubster didn't quite understand what my agitation was related to so he suggested a road trip down to Kalama and my favorite restaurant. Gorgeous. Still didn't stitch me up emotionally.
The hubs and I were talking for hours that evening until I felt like he finally understood me. We stood up and I did to him what this family friend did to me and he finally admitted how horrible it was. His equating awkward shoulder holds or lingering handshakes fell apart.
Still sad. I know this man will try it again and I know that I will have to do something. Avoiding him will be difficult since these are family friends of three decades just about. Thankfully the hubster understands and will run interference, even back me up if and when I say something, but it's up to me to be courageous in the moment.
And it's so difficult.
It is very bloody difficult. And how I wish it was totally unnecessary. For you and for everyone else.
ReplyDeleteHiss and spit.
And a big hooray that you finally made the Hubster realise just how off this sort of behaviour is. High five for that - which would also not have been easy.
It wasn't easy. Thankfully we've muscled through some difficult talks before and know we'll make it through!
DeleteWhat a horrible situation on all levels. Even though it took a while, I'm glad that you and your husband were able to talk it out. Considering all of the challenges you and your family have had, you have an incredibly strong marriage to survive it all. BB is lucky to have both of you as parents.
ReplyDeleteThank you :o)
DeleteYou are brave and justifiably so. Great that you got your husband to understand but how I wish boys would be taught that touching, grabbing or even standing too close to someone without their permission is violation. Of course, it is often meant to intimidate and the guy may think you won't say anything and thus ratchet it up to a pinch or a grope or grab. I wonder why you both can't say something as a unit to let this guy know you are both aware of his behavior and to keep his hands to himself...I'm sorry you have been treated like this.
ReplyDeleteWe did discuss a unified response especially since we don't plan on being around this person without one another-though it seems like I will still have to spearhead the effort, sort of like first responder?
DeleteI totally agree about masculine culture. The hubster references this often regarding this issue because of specific cultural origins.