Seattle Shootings

Shootings have been in the news. Last week's "rampage" by Ian Stawicki and just today with a drive-by in South Seattle.

This year's shootings have already added up to more than the total shootings for last year-and it's only June! I don't know what is contributing to the spike in shootings-the economical climate or access to guns but it's a lot different hearing the news when I live so much closer to the "city" than I did before.

A little over a year ago I was living down in the South Sound and Seattle was a faraway metropolis-like Gotham City. I hardly entered the city limits and when I did the swathes of homeless and trolling cops would rankle my nerves. I even witnessed a foot chase where the offender tossed a bag of drugs before the cops tackled him to the ground!

Nowadays I'm in Seattle at least once a week and the fiance even classifies us as living in the "Seattle-Metro area," bah humbug! That said, while the recent events twanged a nerve I don't feel exceedingly scared or upset...

Yes, I'm upset at the life lost but I don't feel upset like the people ranting and raving about gun control in the wake of last week's shootings.

My fiance made an excellent point-gun controls were in place and they didn't stop this guy and they certainly don't stop the thugs from getting their guns. But what wasn't in place was adequate mental health services to manage Stawicki's precarious mental state.

His family commented that Stawicki's rampage was expected. They weren't surprised to hear the news at all! This isn't insensitive, it's honest.

I have been in their position, resigning myself to an unstable mental climate because I didn't have access to adequate care. To me, that is the tragedy behind these deaths.

The gun control crowd can cry for sanctions all they want-but if people are mentally unstable it doesn't matter whether the weapon has a trigger or a handle or a shaft or a knob, they will harm someone else or themselves.

Right now I'm thinking of those families and friends that are coping with the loss of their loved ones and I'm hoping that all those in need of mental health care can find what they need before more tragedy strikes.

Oh The Raging Flow...

OF EMOTIONS!

Since I've had my IUD my period has gently tapered to next to nothing and comes infrequently whenever it pleases. As such, it's hard to tell when my hormonal fluctuations are getting the best of me-which is only complicated by the fact that therapy and peeling back layers of mental dams flushes my systems with emotions.

The last week has been a white water week of emotions.

This past weekend (Memorial Day weekend) the fiance and I trekked up to NCNP for our first camping trip of the summer at Colonial Creek campground.

Even though I had told myself to forget about "the dog thing," before leaving that Friday I had found a dog online that I was smitten with and emailed to the fiance. Throughout the camping trip I was musing dogs.

The reaction in me was so strong as I wobbled between rational and emotional reasons I felt like a madwoman. I had already dismissed the idea, given up-reneged a couple applications from private rescues and washed my hands of the dog search and yet here I was again!

My body, mind, and soul wouldn't let this dog thing lie.

Once home I was moody and sad, sleepless and disinterested in just about everything. Monday was therapy and we talked about the big emotions coming out around this dog issue. It was confusing. I basically came away with a sense that it was okay to have these emotions even when it seems completely ass-backwards and silly.

It's okay to be sensitive and vulnerable even the issue seems stupid! I let my fiance know that I'd be emotional, and I didn't want to guilt him into anything and I would be okay, I just needed time.

Next thing ya know we're driving down the corridor to Seattle Humane Society to check out pups. The dog I had been attracted to had been and foster and had been adopted. The subsequent dogs I found interesting online weren't to be found at the shelter either.

We headed towards PAWS but they were closed. We found some cute pups online later in the week and were back at PAWS during lunch break on Wednesday...

The dogs were gone. I began thinking it was a sign.

Turns out they were in clinic getting fixed, but my soul was a bit crushed. Every time I thought I'd found a companion they were whisked away by some mystical force (the mind is a crazy thing).

I was ready to give up. I said "I give up." Then the fiance sends me a pic of another potential dog he found online. &%^$! I end up smoking on the balcony and slumping my way through Wednesday afternoon until he gets home and I tell him how frustrated I was at seeing that picture.

It was an adorable dog, it was a perfect dog, and it was an unobtainable dog. The cosmos had rejected my desire, I needed to give this up and he brought it right back up!

The next day before my volunteer shift I went to PAWS early (they had said that the dogs we missed on Wednesday would be there to see on Thursday). I felt stupid and weak-minded, but had fun visiting with the puppies.

Oddly enough, those dogs were there but they didn't catch my eye. Another dog did-a black poodle called George. He was reserved and didn't come to the front of his kennel until I squatted down and beckoned-then he was all wiggly tail-wagging and kisses.

I was intrigued. I called my mother for guidance and she played to my doubts about finances and doing the logical thing. Even then my heart still had a glimmer of yearning. I phoned the fiance and asked him to come check out the dogs, and even if nothing came of it to come bring me a big hug.

He shows up and the poodle is gone.  @!&#^#$%&!!!!

I give up yet again and stalk out of the kennels and we have a chat in the parking lot. He tries to convince me that it's all right and not necessarily a sign and that we can do this and I reject all that I can.

Then a lady appears. Also wearing a green volunteer shirt she approaches the car next to us (he's standing in the space between our cars and we're chatting with my door open). "Were you looking for a dog you couldn't find?" BOOM.

My eyes are glistening with tears and we explain the situation, I even explain how every dog I seem to like disappears and she tells us that we should just ask. "Just ask. Sometimes you have to go a little outside your comfort zone, but if you get snubbed-oh well, you just have to ask."

Well, we had to go back in after that.

The dog was still missing. No one knew where he went. It took twenty minutes to find this dog-he had been secreted away for a special purpose (top-secret shelter kind of stuff) and just because I was a volunteer and had found out about this special stash we got to sneak back and meet him.

I was melting, of course, and apparently the fiance did too. When we got back to the lobby he pressed for information on how to further the adoption process even as I was wide-eyed and scared and shocked about the whole thing. They sounded pretty reluctant to let this dog go and a little miffed that I had found him and gone through all this trouble to get my fiance to meet him.

"Come back tomorrow at noon."

Holy cow.

I was in a daze all the way home-the fiance practically had to push me to my car and tell me to drive home or I would've stood there in the parking lot for half an hour staring into oblivion.

Is this really happening? Will he be there when I go back today at noon? Am I getting a dog?

To be continued....