Not Bad, Not Bad At All

Tomorrow is Friday and the end of my work week, sort of. I might be going in Sunday night depending on the pace of business and how much the other personalizers can get done.

I was able to eat something for breakfast most days and was able to meet my lunch goal of three days! Didn't exactly pack a lunch each time but making food when I got home at midday was an achievement just the same.

In other eating habit news I've been on a sugar binge which I believe is related to the elevated stress of working and soaking up the emotions around me.

Tuesday I had a therapy appointment and my therapist, J, made a good point about how my being more sensitive and emotionally porous makes me vulnerable to sponging up other people's stress and emotions. Sometime I may be emotional without realizing that I'm channeling someone else's frustrations and not my own. It sounds a little kooky but it resonated with me and makes sense.

This week and last week I've been feeling remarkably cheery, goofy, and even lovey dovey. Without any major issues percolating in my mind I've been able to enjoy the hubster's company and the pets much more freely than in the recent past. Navigating trouble spots and flexing my positive emotional muscles along the way with a dash of faith and calm.

But it hasn't been all roses. Stress that isn't my own has been dogging me, causing anxiety and trouble getting to sleep. At first I tried to figure out what was bothering ME about these issues, but after talking with my therapist and thinking on it, I believe I was internalizing the struggles around me.

At first I believed I was playing my old "Mrs. Fix-it" role and attempting to solve other peoples' problems. "Mrs. Fix-it" is my first reaction to most external emotional trouble, but I had dropped that role and tried to leave behind the stress when these pesky, sticky, bad feelings kept grabbing me. Not being able to move on or reason myself away from the angst I began to realize these emotions weren't mine.

When people I care about are hurting I'm bound to listen and try to help, but even when they're not opening up about their problems or trying to "talk it out," my emotional energy field is still receiving their stress beacons. The challenge is ejecting those feelings before they cause me too much heartache or complicate my life. All the while understanding the source of the stress may go unresolved for some time, and that there is nothing I can do about it except cope as best I can and take care of me.


Thankfully the hubby has been helpful talking through the emotions with me, going on walks, and even shaking and yelling out some anger (he's a great in-house therapist). I also employ some deep breathing and visualization to help shoo those nasty, dwelling emotions from my mind. My favorite is launching the feelings into storm clouds and letting them float away while blue skies and nice cumulus clouds take over my mental atmosphere.

Change Of Pace

Tis the season for ornament work and I am feeling the adjustment period. I can't believe it's already been a year and that I was personalizing ornaments for over ten hours straight without losing my mind last season! This year I'm more aware of the breaking in period and feeling my tolerance grow while remaining aware of my self-care.

Yes, those snowmen are making
s'mores!

That said this past week wasn't a stellar example of personal responsibility. I was able to eat breakfast most days but failed to pack a lunch all week. I remembered a snack a couple of times and have been drinking water while I work, even calling it a day when I start feeling burnt out but before I go nuclear. I know things will only get busier, especially after Black Friday and Cyber Monday, so getting into a lunch habit now will help me prepare for the extra pressure.

Goal set! Lunch everyday at least three times this next week.

Resuming a regular work schedule isn't the only change of pace, I've been adjusting to post-IUD life and tracking my waking temperature for a new type of birth control.  So far I really enjoy it. 

That's an odd thing to say about waking up around 5:00 am everyday to take your temperature, but I have a special affection for "mystery prizes" like quarter machine toys or concealed design mystery items, so having a different temperature every morning satisfies a weird gambling/surprise/mystery urge for me.

The whole "natural birth control" thing is really Fertility Awareness Method, a similar type of birth control to Natural Family Planning although unlike devout Catholics, we're allowed to use barrier methods in addition to tracking fertility. The basic gist involves tracking my waking temperature to monitor ovulation habits and my general menstrual cycle habits as well as tracking cervical fluid to calculate potential fertility and in turn likelihood of pregnancy. 

My DO didn't have a lot of positive things to say about the practice, which I can understand. Every type of birth control has its limitations. For FAM to be effective users have to utilize sympto-thermal tracking and practice discipline when planning unprotected sex. Adding condoms to the mix improves effectiveness. 

As it is, we're on a condom regimen until we've had a few successful months of tracking and gained confidence in the FAM rules and methods. We just have to wait and see if this technique will work for us and if the non-hormonal birth control really improves my mood.

So far I've felt great! I don't think that can be wholly attributed to the IUD removal, but I don't think it hurts. Time will tell.

And I don't necessarily think my crying episode after sex earlier this week was a negative thing... Just out of the ordinary. We think it was hormones. 

Yikes! It was not pretty crying either, totally out of my control and my face contorted into a half-laughing, half-sobbing look that was pretty confusing for my poor husband. Not that I had a total grasp of the situation either.

I think part of it was me feeling guilty about changing up our birth control situation and placing more responsibility on the hubby. An IUD is pretty carefree as far as birth control goes! The hubster reassured me that he was supportive and that we are working together to manage our fertility. He even mentioned some positive changes in my mood since the removal. I felt better, I felt encouraged, and hopefully next time I won't end up sobbing!

As I said, time will tell.

In other news, the battle of the flea-splosion continues and we aren't exactly happy with the effectiveness of our flea treatments so far. Topical ointment and flea baths for the animals and still flea hitchhikers are being dropped all over the apartment. Looks like a second round of baths is coming our way and I'm not looking forward to it.