April. April Already!

Dawning on me that it is April. Next month is road trip and a graduation party. Then June is a Vegas trip and July is a big BBQ and Warrior Dash 5k. I'm feeling some pressure and with the pressure comes self-judgement.

Whew. Deep breaths. Freaking out isn't going to get me anywhere except stuck in bed til 10:00 AM!

Instead, I need to be kind. I need to know that I am fine just as I am. I want to jog more, start doing yoga again, and feel better but I know that it won't happen if I harp on myself. Negativity doesn't breed positive results. I've played that game in the past! I can bully myself into making some changes, maybe lose some weight and exercise but it falls apart when I realize that I don't like myself any more than I did before.

So, instead, I will be kind to myself. I will remind myself that I am good, worthwhile, and loved. Keeping in mind that healthy diet and exercise is not a punishment but a blessing, a kindness extended by me to me to improve my life-because I am worth it.

No pressure. Just acceptance, love, and hope. In that theme, I won't set any goals. I'll simply BE and explore what I am capable of, what I can achieve, and what new, healthier food I can experience.

Hopefully, I can fit into some shorts before I start sweltering in the Vegas heat and hopefully I can strengthen my back muscles before a cross-continental car trip, but if not, I'm still okay.

Deep breaths. Let's see what this Hannah can do!

Cheers To Now

Enjoying a lovely beer this evening after a rather emotional day... The wheat beer has a lovely little vintage camera on the label which I find reassuring and relevant as I used some mindfulness as a coping technique today.

Appreciating the moments of the day instead of worrying about the future was a big help today even if it didn't stave off the heavy sighing and teary feelings behind my eyes!

Why the need for coping techniques? 

Baby fever has struck again. 

Not quite as intense as last month but this is the second time around ovulation that I've gone nutzoid with baby fever and I'm beginning to wonder if this will be a monthly tradition. The last two times the hubbo and I have been intimate it's ended in tears (mine, obviously) and the latest episode even involved some full-fledged sobbing!

Thankfully I had a few weeks to think about my priorities and some of the goals Hubby and I have so when this episode of irrational baby craziness struck I was able to remember those goals and reassure myself that the feelings will pass. 

I kept busy with a blood draw, trip to the grocery store, car wash, and puzzles while the hubster was at work. Making spaghetti was a welcome chore as were a few errands around town. While I kept my tears at bay I couldn't escape a day full of sighs and wearing some sadness on my face. The hubby noticed and offer to listen if I wanted to talk but I didn't feel like rehashing an old conversation. 

Tube sock of shame

In other news, our home has a renewed chocolate stash and we've developed a meal plan for the next week or so. The pets are due for a flea treatment (yay) and Fio seems to be healing well after a week and change of close observation and treatments for his neck injury. Stupid dog was scratching himself through!

Yesterday was a change of pace as my mom came up to visit. We went to the first day of the tulip festival in Mt. Vernon (a few tulips but mostly daffodils and unblooming tulips) and enjoyed a dinner out at Jimmy Mac's in Everett. Mom and I went for a walk with Fio after dinner and had a chance to chat a little and enjoyed each others company. 

April Fools from Google, I got 'hoffed!

I'm anxious about the road trip to the east coast I committed to recently (for my brother's graduation) but am hoping that I can improve my mental stability and resilience by then! Same goes for the Vegas trip in June. It's a bit of a financial challenge but family bonding doesn't always come cheap.

The hubster is feeling the burn of my solo plans and we are hoping to plan a couple's vacay for the winter to compensate! It would also help our domestic relations if I were working and contributing to the "Hannah's Family Adventure Fund" but I'm still very nervous about working and haven't been actively looking or applying. 

Til more gainful employment develops my doula gig this month and annual ornament work will have to do. Right now I'm still taking things one day at a time.

So, cheers to now!