I have officially given up on BlogHer and deleted that account. After the tech-guy (aka the hubby) couldn't figure out how to make it work better for me, I asked an admin to delete my account.
It was quite stressful for me. Feeling like a failure, having to ask for help, having to ask for help again. But now that it's over, I'm relieved.
It seems like a great service and platform for many women bloggers, but it didn't feel right to me. The main issue was not being able to link my blog with that service and then having to copy and paste to repost in BlogHer. It was a pain and their blogging service was cruddy. So I will stick with Blogger! The hubby is a fan of WordPress, but I don't think I could handle that change right now, especially considering all the changes I have just made...
The blog has been repainted and I started up a Twitter to match! The whole process is just about complete and I think it'll stick for a good while. It did get me thinking about exposure though, which is a tricky thing for me.
Yes, I started this blog just for myself without expecting many visitors or readers but now that I've been blogging for a couple years and have racked up a few comments and followers I have been thinking more about my public face. It's kind of funny, as much as I think and speak out about stigma and mental illness, I'm afraid to walk the walk! I'm afraid of my real-world Hannah and my Hannah Bananaface realm colliding.
As far as my personal life, I don't really care. I don't have much of a personal life outside this apartment and those friends that I do have are supportive. My family... I don't know. There is a big tradition of shame in my family and while I'm pretty sure my siblings couldn't care less I'm afraid my parents would be concerned. Embarrassed and concerned about my job prospects down the line if a potential employer were to discover the blog.
Which boils everything down to why I started blogging the first place, mental health. It's the poison in the water, the content that makes the blog "touchy." Mental health is the reason I'm afraid to step out of my shell for fear of my clients and potential clients thinking less of me.
The hubster did a good job of reassuring me. Letting me know that I'm not "that crazy." I'm not a danger to myself or others, so what should anyone care? But I have to consider the fact that clients might not want to work with someone who has anxiety issues or depression. It has never conflicted with my work as a doula and I'm remarkably good at stowing my private issues away to jump into doula action when needed, but that might not matter to certain people. Certain people don't want to be around anybody "mental" at all.
Well, I guess if they don't want to be around me, I won't be around them! I'll have to have faith that things will work out and most people won't ever link me to this blog or read Hannah Bananaface. Let's face it, I'm a small fish in a big, big pond! Maybe I'm not perfectly anonymous, but I'll run the risk of ripples in my personal life to preserve my blogging life. After all, I see HBF more than I see most of my friends and family ;)
So here I come world, a-Twittering and a-blogging to my heart's content!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Wellness Update
Had a check-up with DO last Friday and had to do some lab work for my thyroid. She lowered my dose a little bit and recommended I get back to taking my Vitamin D daily to help with my eye twitch.
Yeah, I got an eye twitch. It seemed to back off when I neglected to take my thyroid pill daily, so I was kind of self-medicating by not medicating, if that makes sense. Now I'm going to try and get back on top of taking pills and supplements and vitamins AND tracking my waking temperature and other stuff for a new form of au naturale birth control.
Yep. Big changes on the horizon. I'm freaking out now that we're starting to initiate birth control change procedures, but also excited for the change.
Changing up birth control is a big deal, especially when you're in a relationship. It's not just about my uterus! I have to consider the hubster's feelings and while he's apprehensive he's also hoping for some positive changes in my mood. When we first got together I was on OCPs and he had no idea when my cycle hit, nowadays he sees it coming before I realize I'm PMSing-so I guess the IUD has affected my period whether I knew it or not!
The main reason I'm getting the IUD removed and opting for non-hormonal, non-invasive birth control is my mood and overall health. But there is no guarantee what this will do if anything. No providers have offered up much commentary on my correlation between my depression and hormonal birth control (they both started up about the same time for me). Sure, it might not be related, but I can't drop it until I find out for sure. Enter, Fertility Awareness Method a la non-hormonal birth control.
Since I've become more interested in natural remedies and Eastern Medicine I've also become more interested in my natural cycle. From what I remember it isn't pleasant. Let's just say some women's Aunt Flos are skinny, whispers of womanhood while others are super obese. Unfortunately, mine is the latter. Oh the memories of traumatic teenage embarrassment!
But in the interest of holistic wellness and a more natural attempt at healthy living rather than psychoactive, I will bear whatever aunt comes a-knockin. With the assistance of Costco and my favorite feminine hygiene products, I'm sure. You would not believe the drastic effects of an IUD on a woman's flow, I'm talking next to nothing. They're probably come out with self-unwrapping pads by now and I wouldn't know it! Haven't had to bother shopping for 'em!
Also had some developing news regarding the insurance debacle earlier this summer. I had gone cold turkey not seeing any providers this summer and just the past couple weeks have heard back from those providers about becoming covered under the current insurance. Well, it's going to change again in January. Seriously.
I've been doing pretty well and won't be resuming my weekly check-ups by any means but I did feel good about making an appointment with my therapist for November. It will mean a complete restart but I think I'm in a different place, so starting over won't be a bad thing. Definitely need to work on anxiety crapola though! Me after a meet 'n greet is such a downer, even when I get hired! Crazy!
In other news, the household (well the furry members) are enduring a late-fall flea outbreak caused by the warmer weather here in the PNW. We've medicated and are in the process of extra cleaning and bed washes. The cats have oily treatment slicks between their shoulders and Fio is getting Benadryl to ward off the obnoxious itching fits. Yay family fun. Not.
I also started a Twitter account. We'll see how that goes! I got one of them fancy "buttons" added to the blog sidebar if anyone wants to follow and see what comes up day-to-day in Hannahland.
Yeah, I got an eye twitch. It seemed to back off when I neglected to take my thyroid pill daily, so I was kind of self-medicating by not medicating, if that makes sense. Now I'm going to try and get back on top of taking pills and supplements and vitamins AND tracking my waking temperature and other stuff for a new form of au naturale birth control.
Yep. Big changes on the horizon. I'm freaking out now that we're starting to initiate birth control change procedures, but also excited for the change.
Changing up birth control is a big deal, especially when you're in a relationship. It's not just about my uterus! I have to consider the hubster's feelings and while he's apprehensive he's also hoping for some positive changes in my mood. When we first got together I was on OCPs and he had no idea when my cycle hit, nowadays he sees it coming before I realize I'm PMSing-so I guess the IUD has affected my period whether I knew it or not!
The main reason I'm getting the IUD removed and opting for non-hormonal, non-invasive birth control is my mood and overall health. But there is no guarantee what this will do if anything. No providers have offered up much commentary on my correlation between my depression and hormonal birth control (they both started up about the same time for me). Sure, it might not be related, but I can't drop it until I find out for sure. Enter, Fertility Awareness Method a la non-hormonal birth control.
Since I've become more interested in natural remedies and Eastern Medicine I've also become more interested in my natural cycle. From what I remember it isn't pleasant. Let's just say some women's Aunt Flos are skinny, whispers of womanhood while others are super obese. Unfortunately, mine is the latter. Oh the memories of traumatic teenage embarrassment!
But in the interest of holistic wellness and a more natural attempt at healthy living rather than psychoactive, I will bear whatever aunt comes a-knockin. With the assistance of Costco and my favorite feminine hygiene products, I'm sure. You would not believe the drastic effects of an IUD on a woman's flow, I'm talking next to nothing. They're probably come out with self-unwrapping pads by now and I wouldn't know it! Haven't had to bother shopping for 'em!
Also had some developing news regarding the insurance debacle earlier this summer. I had gone cold turkey not seeing any providers this summer and just the past couple weeks have heard back from those providers about becoming covered under the current insurance. Well, it's going to change again in January. Seriously.
I've been doing pretty well and won't be resuming my weekly check-ups by any means but I did feel good about making an appointment with my therapist for November. It will mean a complete restart but I think I'm in a different place, so starting over won't be a bad thing. Definitely need to work on anxiety crapola though! Me after a meet 'n greet is such a downer, even when I get hired! Crazy!
In other news, the household (well the furry members) are enduring a late-fall flea outbreak caused by the warmer weather here in the PNW. We've medicated and are in the process of extra cleaning and bed washes. The cats have oily treatment slicks between their shoulders and Fio is getting Benadryl to ward off the obnoxious itching fits. Yay family fun. Not.
I also started a Twitter account. We'll see how that goes! I got one of them fancy "buttons" added to the blog sidebar if anyone wants to follow and see what comes up day-to-day in Hannahland.
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