Tonight was rough and I'm blaming pregnancy hormones... and a touch of weak mental control. Have you ever heard yourself blathering on, spewing negativity over and over but just let the tsunami of bad attitude roll on? That was me tonight.
Things really kicked off with a bad bout of second hand smoke. It wafted in from the front window (we usually get it from the back windows) so it took me longer than usual to find the source and cut off the flow which left us with a cloud of hovering smokiness in the apartment and a fuming pregnant me stomping around in a rage.
"We shouldn't have to live like this!" I was so angry I was clenching my fists and wanting to punch walls. I ended up calling the office and asking if there was anything that could be done about the smoke. The chatty substitute for our regular office staff let me know that we can submit a complaint in writing if we identify the apartment responsible but that smokers are allowed to smoke in their apartment and on their patios, just not in public areas.
I was a little appalled that apartment complexes still let smokers smoke inside! How disgusting! How expensive! I would never want to clean up after a smoking renter, yikes... Anyways.
It didn't make me feel much better. I asked the office to contact animal control because of loose cats starving away around our apartment and nothing has happened to help the cats, so I don't expect much help for us. That sounds pathetic and I feel like such a wimpy loser but I really feel trapped.
Renewing our lease this week was a sad experience. I consider us good tenets. We don't litter, we pick up after our dog, we take good care of our apartment but it was as if the office would've rather had us move out. What kind of business sense is that?
Ugh. At least we didn't renew for a whole year, but the next 9 months already feel like 9 months too long here.
Oh, and the cherry on my lovely, rage filled night? I saw one of the aforementioned abandoned cats licking up water from a oily puddle under a carport. How sick is that? I can't even type the violent thoughts I have toward the so-called "owners" of those poor animals. If I weren't preggers I'd take it to the shelter myself, but I can't risk catching something from a street cat. So sad. So idiotic.
In other news, the hubster put forth a valiant effort to better my mood but it just didn't take. He bought me some new shoes since I've worn out the old tennis shoes with my near daily walks of late and I was very grateful just too swept up by my anger. I feel bad for making his night unpleasant. I hope that he gets some better sleep tonight, last night didn't go so well as I was tossing and turning well into the morning hours.
Sigh. So that's me today. Frustrated, angry, agitated, and a downright terror at times. Maybe I'll try some meditation tomorrow, some loving-kindness for those freakin' assholes... er, fellow human beings.
That'll be an uphill battle, but I'll give it a try if only for my own sake!