Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Limping Train?

When trying to encapsulate my status of late I imagined an animated train with a limp in it's roll. At first I thought it was impossible for something with wheels to "limp" but after some thought and Googlin' I'm convinced "limping train" is a just depiction. I'm still chugging along but it ain't smooth rolling.

My schedule has been an interesting mix of lazy days and bursts of activity. Quite often the busy moments wipe me out and I soon find myself perched upon my donut pillow with heating pad at my shoulders and my head lolling between sips of water and glances at a TV screen.

Lately I've been hit by pregnancy fatigue reminiscent of my 1st trimester but not quite as intense. When it strikes, it strikes hard just not as often as those first few months.

Earlier this week the hubby and I decided we'd go to the store. He took the dog for a potty break while I lurched up from the couch. This movement necessitated an immediate detour to the bathroom for my own potty break. I then waddled into the bedroom to change into street clothes.

Before I could select an outfit I felt a wave of tiredness and plopped onto the bed. Next thing ya know I was tucked into a pile of pillows under a hastily drawn swath of blankets. The hubster returned from giving the dog a break and wandered the apartment inquiring, "Hannah?" Eventually he found me, already pre-nap drooling. Sucking back a puddle of spit I let him know "I just need to lie down for a bit." He hit the lights and went back to the living room while I ended up taking an hour-and-a-half long nap.

Also making a return is the vicious hunger cycle of 1st tri. Don't get me wrong, during 2nd tri I would have to plan snacks and eat pretty often but it was easier to push the envelope and wait a bit longer between feedings. Now, there is no forgiving grace period. I wait too long to eat and a wave of nausea crashes down with vengeance. About 3 hours is the limit but sometimes I find myself hunting for food more often like an overzealous cow, grazing with gusto.

I've also had a few "am I gonna barf?" moments but have been able to hold it down for the most part. I did have a biley shower puke the other day because I opted to shower before eating something first thing in the morning. Won't do that again.

Add to all that the loosey goosey pelvis, flaring hemorrhoid, and muscle aches from carrying this ever-growing belly and I'm a delightful bundle of joy!

It wears on me trying to balance everything. All the symptoms, self-care, and eating mean that I can't attack a checklist like I used to and not being "productive" wears on my self-esteem. I'm also contending with late pregnancy anxiety and worrying about my ability to birth and raise a baby (like any mother-to-be) and feeling so rundown is a major confidence killer.

So, I've been a limpin' train. Day by day, hour by hour I'm chugging along at a gimpy jaunt, getting somewhere but not quite in the fashion I'd like. Not that I'm totally bummed out. I realize pregnancy isn't meant to an easy thing and I also realize that I've been doing pretty dang well. I think I've just come to one of those junctions where I have to consciously abandon the expectations and hopes that I once had.

No, I have not and will not glide through pregnancy and birth without a single complaint and that's okay.

No, I have not and will not have a symptom-free, heavenly pregnancy and birth without any discomfort and that's okay.

No, I have not and will not keep up with all my chores and errands and social obligations as I'd like and that's okay.

It hasn't been a cakewalk but I've still loved being pregnant and love carrying Inchy and watching him/her grow. Sure, the hubster and I have had our moments, had to grow ourselves-sometimes through bickering and tears-but we've met every challenge and cherished these special moments together even through the rocky sections. It isn't all pretty and rosy, but I feel blessed and grateful even with all the hardships (which I willingly and promptly admit haven't been all that bad).

With that said I enter the last two months of my pregnancy. Lots of scrambling to get everything ready but with the understanding that I just might need to take a nap at a moment ;)

1 comment:

  1. Apparently I spoke too soon about the not barfing thing... Got myself a pretty goatee of broken blood vessels just this morning! *smooth*


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Be well, HBF