Got Me Thinking....

Today I've been into watching "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" back-to-back-to-back and I was surprised to find myself getting to like some people I never thought I would: Alec Baldwin and Sarah Silverman. I guess a part of me always kinda liked them but resisted admitting to it because they come off as "bad" or "dirty."

Oh we are such complex mental creatures.

So after my binge I Googled around and found myself looking into Sarah Silverman and discovered she has been open about her own depression and I ended up reading an article like no article I'd ever seen before.

This article.

I don't agree with all of it, but the topic is one I can relate to and haven't yet looked into myself, outside personal conversations and consideration. Should depressed people (or those with other mental disorders or health conditions) have children? Not only for the risk of passing on the pain but also the risk of exposing that child to the parent's pain.

I've thought about this and talked to my husband about it too, should someone like me have children? Should I risk bestowing this struggle to another generation? Deep inside I still waver. The louder voice says, "Have kids, you want to, you've planned to for as long as you can remember. Follow your heart. Just do it." Then another voice *ahems* into the conversation with wibbly wobbly objection and fear.

I guess there will always be the chance my kids have issues with depression. There will always be a chance that they see this part of me, that I relapse and they experience my episodes and it impacts their lives for better or worse.

There's always the chance that the world will end in a fiery (howinthehelldidIspellthatrightthefirstime?) ball of meteoric fury and my children will be burned into piles of ash within seconds at any moment.

There's always a chance.

For better or worse.

Do I live in fear or embrace love and live in hope?