It's difficult for me to make statements sometimes, such as judgements about my status, even though I may be an authority. I think it has to do with my self-esteem issues and years of abdicating authority, but by golly I feel pretty compelled to say I'm feelin' pretty durn preggers.
Immediately my mind rallies against this statement with thoughts like, "it's only going to get worse" or "you think you're pregnant now, just wait a few weeks." Any and all undermining comments that a real life bitch would volley in my direction, I seem to take care of myself.
Yes, I know that while I may be experiencing late pregnancy now the symptoms will only continue to escalate up until birth but that doesn't negate my current experience does it? For so long I've suppressed my feelings and opinions because of the awareness that I "don't have that much to complain about" or "other people have it far worse" but that's really just a invalidating bad habit.... right?
It's complicated and I'm still mulling over these thoughts (it's all pretty convoluted in my brain) but I think the right direction is owning my experience and sharing my thoughts and feelings regardless of the minimizing impulse I feel. So here goes....
I'm pretty sure this baby is migrating south. The past couple weeks have involved increasing pressure on my bladder (and more potty breaks) and a "zingy" sensation in my pubic region. I think it's referred to as "lightning crotch" in some circles and is caused by baby hitting certain nerves as he/she lowers further into my pelvis.
My cowboy-monkey waddle is getting more dramatic after longer periods of sitting or lying down. I'm sure I still waddle when I've been standing for a while but those first few minutes after sitting on the couch for a bit feel extra-crazy. Like sumo-stance/waddle/pubic bone explosion crazy.
I've also noticed that my once-a-day fiber supplementation is no longer cutting it. Not exactly joyous news but I've upped my fiber intake and it seems to be helping. On a similar note, I seem to be able to eat more-for a while I thought my portion capacity was limited and now I seem to have more room for food and am able to breathe more deeply (double yay!).
Not exactly a sign of baby moving down but of the end drawing near may be some anxiety of late, very specific anxiety focused on the hubby.
His work routine involves waking up shortly after 5 AM to get to work by 6 AM and lately I've been waking up, anxiously listening to him leave and then tossing and turning for hours trying to get back to sleep. More and more often I find myself haunted in these early hours by a fear or anxiety that he won't come home or simply dwelling on the fact that he's left. My rational mind can't make sense of it, it's simply a strong emotional blip on my mornings of late. I thought it would go away after last week (his first week back at work after the holiday break) but I guess not.
Well, that's a picture of pregnant Hannah at the moment. Oh! I should also mention my current pregnancy food fad... The hubbo and I got a joint birthday present from his parents (a panini press/griddle thing) and I took the opportunity to make one of my favorite sandwiches from Panera (one of my first jobs was at a Panera).
It's called a Sierra Turkey and is normally a cold sandwich but I like them grilled. Asiago bread, turkey, spring greens, red onions, and a spicy chipotle mayo. I've made quite a few at home now and have been adding a bit of cayenne to the mayo for extra kick (this baby sure loves spicy). Ahhh. Makes pregnant Hannah a happy pregnant Hannah :)
In other news, I've been trying to cut back on the sweets and super refined stuff in an attempt not to produce an overly chubby baby. At my last appointment the midwives said baby seems to be on the "high side of normal" size and cautioned against ice cream every night or lots of white, refined foods (not that I've been on a sweets bender just a little surge over the holidays). No news there but a little difficult lately since I've been craving comfort foods and they aren't exactly the highly nutritious variety!
Went on a walk for the first time in a long time, just me and Fio. It has been so gorgeous the last few days I had to get out there and enjoy the sunshine and blue skies. Fio was a bit of an a-hole, yanking and barking and lunging and generally making me want to tie him to a stop sign and walk off until he calmed down (no I don't actually do that-EVER). By the end of the walk he calmed down quite a bit and we had a memorable moment on the home stretch when a hummingbird hovered above us and chirruped rather noisily and scared Fio. It was pretty funny. That tiny bird sure put that fiesty poodle in his place! Even as we walked away the loud chirps made Fio's ears perk.
Millie and Iroh are doing well though I've noticed Millie is turning into quite the schmoozer. She didn't used to be such a treat hound but lately she's been working the circuit, gunning for the crunchy treats and the wet food. Gonna have to watch her or she'll balloon up! Guess she's not a kitten anymore, they grow up so fast :) Iroh certainly reaps the benefits of her newfound cat-ness haha
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Limping Train?
When trying to encapsulate my status of late I imagined an animated train with a limp in it's roll. At first I thought it was impossible for something with wheels to "limp" but after some thought and Googlin' I'm convinced "limping train" is a just depiction. I'm still chugging along but it ain't smooth rolling.
My schedule has been an interesting mix of lazy days and bursts of activity. Quite often the busy moments wipe me out and I soon find myself perched upon my donut pillow with heating pad at my shoulders and my head lolling between sips of water and glances at a TV screen.
Lately I've been hit by pregnancy fatigue reminiscent of my 1st trimester but not quite as intense. When it strikes, it strikes hard just not as often as those first few months.
Earlier this week the hubby and I decided we'd go to the store. He took the dog for a potty break while I lurched up from the couch. This movement necessitated an immediate detour to the bathroom for my own potty break. I then waddled into the bedroom to change into street clothes.
Before I could select an outfit I felt a wave of tiredness and plopped onto the bed. Next thing ya know I was tucked into a pile of pillows under a hastily drawn swath of blankets. The hubster returned from giving the dog a break and wandered the apartment inquiring, "Hannah?" Eventually he found me, already pre-nap drooling. Sucking back a puddle of spit I let him know "I just need to lie down for a bit." He hit the lights and went back to the living room while I ended up taking an hour-and-a-half long nap.
Also making a return is the vicious hunger cycle of 1st tri. Don't get me wrong, during 2nd tri I would have to plan snacks and eat pretty often but it was easier to push the envelope and wait a bit longer between feedings. Now, there is no forgiving grace period. I wait too long to eat and a wave of nausea crashes down with vengeance. About 3 hours is the limit but sometimes I find myself hunting for food more often like an overzealous cow, grazing with gusto.
I've also had a few "am I gonna barf?" moments but have been able to hold it down for the most part. I did have a biley shower puke the other day because I opted to shower before eating something first thing in the morning. Won't do that again.
Add to all that the loosey goosey pelvis, flaring hemorrhoid, and muscle aches from carrying this ever-growing belly and I'm a delightful bundle of joy!
It wears on me trying to balance everything. All the symptoms, self-care, and eating mean that I can't attack a checklist like I used to and not being "productive" wears on my self-esteem. I'm also contending with late pregnancy anxiety and worrying about my ability to birth and raise a baby (like any mother-to-be) and feeling so rundown is a major confidence killer.
So, I've been a limpin' train. Day by day, hour by hour I'm chugging along at a gimpy jaunt, getting somewhere but not quite in the fashion I'd like. Not that I'm totally bummed out. I realize pregnancy isn't meant to an easy thing and I also realize that I've been doing pretty dang well. I think I've just come to one of those junctions where I have to consciously abandon the expectations and hopes that I once had.
No, I have not and will not glide through pregnancy and birth without a single complaint and that's okay.
No, I have not and will not have a symptom-free, heavenly pregnancy and birth without any discomfort and that's okay.
No, I have not and will not keep up with all my chores and errands and social obligations as I'd like and that's okay.
It hasn't been a cakewalk but I've still loved being pregnant and love carrying Inchy and watching him/her grow. Sure, the hubster and I have had our moments, had to grow ourselves-sometimes through bickering and tears-but we've met every challenge and cherished these special moments together even through the rocky sections. It isn't all pretty and rosy, but I feel blessed and grateful even with all the hardships (which I willingly and promptly admit haven't been all that bad).
With that said I enter the last two months of my pregnancy. Lots of scrambling to get everything ready but with the understanding that I just might need to take a nap at a moment ;)
My schedule has been an interesting mix of lazy days and bursts of activity. Quite often the busy moments wipe me out and I soon find myself perched upon my donut pillow with heating pad at my shoulders and my head lolling between sips of water and glances at a TV screen.
Lately I've been hit by pregnancy fatigue reminiscent of my 1st trimester but not quite as intense. When it strikes, it strikes hard just not as often as those first few months.
Earlier this week the hubby and I decided we'd go to the store. He took the dog for a potty break while I lurched up from the couch. This movement necessitated an immediate detour to the bathroom for my own potty break. I then waddled into the bedroom to change into street clothes.
Before I could select an outfit I felt a wave of tiredness and plopped onto the bed. Next thing ya know I was tucked into a pile of pillows under a hastily drawn swath of blankets. The hubster returned from giving the dog a break and wandered the apartment inquiring, "Hannah?" Eventually he found me, already pre-nap drooling. Sucking back a puddle of spit I let him know "I just need to lie down for a bit." He hit the lights and went back to the living room while I ended up taking an hour-and-a-half long nap.
Also making a return is the vicious hunger cycle of 1st tri. Don't get me wrong, during 2nd tri I would have to plan snacks and eat pretty often but it was easier to push the envelope and wait a bit longer between feedings. Now, there is no forgiving grace period. I wait too long to eat and a wave of nausea crashes down with vengeance. About 3 hours is the limit but sometimes I find myself hunting for food more often like an overzealous cow, grazing with gusto.
I've also had a few "am I gonna barf?" moments but have been able to hold it down for the most part. I did have a biley shower puke the other day because I opted to shower before eating something first thing in the morning. Won't do that again.
Add to all that the loosey goosey pelvis, flaring hemorrhoid, and muscle aches from carrying this ever-growing belly and I'm a delightful bundle of joy!
It wears on me trying to balance everything. All the symptoms, self-care, and eating mean that I can't attack a checklist like I used to and not being "productive" wears on my self-esteem. I'm also contending with late pregnancy anxiety and worrying about my ability to birth and raise a baby (like any mother-to-be) and feeling so rundown is a major confidence killer.
So, I've been a limpin' train. Day by day, hour by hour I'm chugging along at a gimpy jaunt, getting somewhere but not quite in the fashion I'd like. Not that I'm totally bummed out. I realize pregnancy isn't meant to an easy thing and I also realize that I've been doing pretty dang well. I think I've just come to one of those junctions where I have to consciously abandon the expectations and hopes that I once had.
No, I have not and will not glide through pregnancy and birth without a single complaint and that's okay.
No, I have not and will not have a symptom-free, heavenly pregnancy and birth without any discomfort and that's okay.
No, I have not and will not keep up with all my chores and errands and social obligations as I'd like and that's okay.
It hasn't been a cakewalk but I've still loved being pregnant and love carrying Inchy and watching him/her grow. Sure, the hubster and I have had our moments, had to grow ourselves-sometimes through bickering and tears-but we've met every challenge and cherished these special moments together even through the rocky sections. It isn't all pretty and rosy, but I feel blessed and grateful even with all the hardships (which I willingly and promptly admit haven't been all that bad).
With that said I enter the last two months of my pregnancy. Lots of scrambling to get everything ready but with the understanding that I just might need to take a nap at a moment ;)
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