Switchin' Things Up

Saw my ND on the 21st and have been on a different supplement lineup since.

I noticed positive changes up til yesterday and the last two days have been crappy.

Damn feng shui!

Funny and pathetic how feng shui has become a trigger for me. I was trying to improve the apartment's energy and became overwhelmed with a book that made it seem like everyone should know flying star feng shui or be able to pick it up right off the bat.

Uh. No.

My perfectionism was flaring up like a bum knee and before ya knew it I was down and out. Achy, naps, horrible self-talk, feeling worthless.

Still upset about my weight but unable to do much. With hardly any appetite eating has become a chore and only the crappy foods sound good. Between the welts from my clothes being too tight and snippets from my mother floating around in my brain ("Don't you ever get those arm rolls like whatshername") I've been feeling pretty hopeless and pretty sad.

Still lonely, although I have been able to go out to some game group meetings.

The hubby and I are going camping instead of the traditional family BBQ at my parents' yet I still feel anxious. Maybe for the backlash that might ensue but it kinda feels like the familiar "4th of July is coming, I'm still fat, I'm still me, I'm going to get teased" anxiety.

What I lovely life I had led thus far. Unfortunately I missed my dose of spring hope and now feel like an overheated hippo lost in the Sahara.