Anywho, this dream was like an alternate wedding reality. It was hot, sometime in the summer unlike our wedding plans to marry in October. We met my parents and some other wedding attendees in a parking lot (some huge store like Cabelas or WalMart maybe even mall) and then we grabbed everything we needed and walked across a six-lane street to my parents' "house."
Why "house" you ask? Because it wasn't the house I grew up in. They had some new (old) house with loads of oddly sized staircases and light blue everything. There were people scattered all over the premises eating potato salad and rolls or watching TV. I was running between a tiny room downstairs and the living room upstairs trying to get dressed but kept finding out bad news about the wedding and whoopsies that had occurred.
First whoopsie-we had NO flowers. Nothing. No bouquets for the wedding, nothing for the reception, just no flowers. I gave up looking on my own and finally asked Mom and she said, "Whoops. Guess I forget to remind your sister."
Then I found out that my veil and dress hadn't been pressed and I looked like a hobo bride. My mother hadn't pressed hers or my sister's either and didn't seem to care at all (not like my mom).
Apparently my venue had fallen through and I had no idea where I was going to be married and the reception was going to be at an old lodge somewhere with potluck/picnic food. Don't get me wrong, I love that kinda food, but my fiance has been pushing for a good, meaty sit-down dinner since before he popped the question! It was disappointing to find out that none of my wedding plans had gone through-I had my (wrinkly) dress and my befuddled groom, but that was it.
We didn't have the small guest list we have been trying to push for, we didn't get married outside, we had no control-it all just happened like any other wedding in the country, except that's not what we wanted. We want a conscious celebration without frills and bills that we don't want or need. We want the day to be about celebrating our commitment and love, not what's traditional.
This dream wedding had no soul. There were no concrete plans, there was so coordination, everything was assumed and just happened almost spontaneously. Some preacher showed up and knew he should be at the altar, someone threw some little girls down the aisle and they knew they should throw petals. Everything was lock-stepped in wedding mode and the fiance and I just moved through the day like hollow robots, bewildered and luckily in too much shock to be heartbroken.
The most important part of our wedding day is getting married. I think the second most important thing is keeping our guest list small., and so far (even over a year out from the wedding) this is where we have had the most resistance. We expected some resistance to our wedding plans as we take what we want from tradition and leave a whole lot out, but when what you care about most catches the most flak, it gets stressful and hurtful fast.
The fiance hasn't stressed out about it too much, but I know I have. I'm definitely more susceptible to worries about what people think and being afraid to offend people and this guest list battle comes just as I've been working on dissecting those concerns for approval out of my life. What's funny to me is that I'm the rowdy, loudmouthed, less PC person in the relationship, but I am much more debilitated by worry and disapproval than the fiance.
So this dream wasn't just about my anti-wedding, it was about me fighting for what I want and believe and leaving everybody else's preconceptions behind. Life's timing is funny. Guess my internal battle against the voices in my head has become externalized in the form of a wedding, should be an interesting year and a couple months!
In other news: Took a walk a couple of days ago and saw a mama duck with EIGHT babies. They were so freakin' cute. Two of the ducklings got adventurous and swam off where Mama couldn't see them, she hopped up on a log and stretched her neck out so far she looked like a lawn ornament! Duckies make me happy :o)
Also took a long drive with the fiance last night and we saw a beautiful sunset :o)
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Be well, HBF