Last Day of June

Yes-I did have to check my calendar to make sure that June does indeed only have 30 days (I ain't so hip with the days of the months and who gets what).

Anywho. End of the month makes me look back on what has happened this June, and it's been a busy/crazy month. Mostly crazy. I thought I'd blog this day with a list of thirty thoughts and happenings from June. So here goes...

1) The tree out front has sprouted a new, bright green pine cone. I am enthralled. This tree ain't pine cone-heavy, so this is big news!

2) I've weaned myself off of my expensive non-generic antidepressants. One source of financial anxiety eliminated-a bevy of emotional issues unleashed. Genius.

3) I've had multiple anxiety attacks this month.

4) I've had multiple depressive episodes this month and don't think I've ever been so depressed during JUNE-it's supposed to be fun summer fun!

4.5) Realizing more and more how lucky I am and how wonderful my fiance is-he's freakin' amazing. Like better than Captain Amazing by 100 million-bazillion.

5) I'm still sore from my most recent episode. (Seriously in pain-which to me shows just how serious a disease depression can be. I am in physical pain because of my brain not workin' right. Yikes!)

6) I'm seeking counselling and a psychiatric evaluation and becoming more and more familiar with the feeling of rejection due to A) Lack of insurance B) Having clinical depression that may require medication (Seems like folks are annoyed that I need help and they completely disregard the fact that I just told them I'm suicidal when they dismiss my inquiries for help in a way that makes me MORE DEPRESSIVE)

7) Camping was awesome and Mt. Rainier was gorgeous.

8) The fiance and I have found our wedding venue and LOVE it.

9) I have found multiple blogs from fellow depression battlers to read and am trying to build a sense of community and understanding around myself to prevent debilitating feelings of isolation and rejection.

10) I have realized that I have gained at least twenty pounds since last summer.

11) *Trying not to think of myself as a ghastly whale of a gal*

12) Actually spoke my mind after my sister started playing the blame game with me-big news for Hannah!

13) My brother found out he was accepted to a college in PA and will be moving this August.

14) My dad won gold in men's singles tennis at a national tournament in Houston and silver for doubles.

15) I've decided to drastically reduce the amount of alcohol I consume to avoid depressive dips.

16) I've decided to actively avoid violent/suicidal/depressive films and TV shows to avoid depressive dips.

17) I made progress on our wedding invitation designs.

18) We reduced our guest list and our guest list stress by A LOT.

19) I've decided to find an independent book binder to buy our wedding guest book and design and create the innards myself. Found this style on Transient Books' Etsy shop site> http://www.etsy.com/listing/69193678/personalized-handbound-wedding-guest?ref=v1_other_2

*I'm really excited about this project-we're going to have puzzles and pictures and art and poems and prompts and places to sign in our guest book. No more empty pages, we're making something pre-packed with awesomeness

20) I've missed Iceland and really wanted some of that awesome hot cocoa from the shop across from the Odinsve.

21)I've seen some gorgeous birds.

22) The fiance and I have been on some rather lengthy impromptu drives to battle cabin fever and general angst. Had some good talks and learned a lot about dealing with each other during times of crankiness.

23) I have started to manage my anxiety over finances better (still a LONG way to go)

24) The fiance and I are discussing the reality of not wasting money on rent and possible putting money into ownership.

25) I took a yoga class at the Women's Wellness Center in downtown Everett and really enjoyed it. Think this might become a regular haunt for me.

26) Added some flare to the blog.

27) Took some awesome pictures of the kittehs.

28) Worked on a wedsite with the fiance.

29) Weakly contemplated the prospect of inpatient treatment for my depression and have reserved that option for a darker day that may or may not be in my future. While I try to battle the stigma affiliated with my depression, even I am deeply ingrained with a level of disgust. The idea of inpatient treatment makes me feel like a loon or a psycho, not to mention my anxieties over the cost of treatment. I'm even scared of what the other patients would be like, as if they'd all be dangerous or drooling or scary.

30) Made it through.