It's been a week now. A week. I can't tell if it feels like two weeks or two days but we're managing somehow.
I'm definitely feeling the choppy waves of hormones and "baby blues." My depression memories make any downward dip extra scary but I think I'm staying within the realm of normal with symptoms including feeling emotional, easily tearing up/crying, lack of appetite, and feeling overwhelmed. The lack of appetite is pretty frustrating. I've had to force myself to eat and nothing ever seems to "sound good," but it helps my mood when I do eat.
The ups and downs have been crazy. Going from over-the-moon in love with baby, feeling in sync with the hubster, and flooded with gratitude to feeling overwhelmed, isolated, and unsure of myself to the degree that I wonder "what was I thinking having a baby?!" Of course, that's all normal, but when it's going on inside your own head it's hard to maintain perspective.
Adding to the tumult I got some texts from my mom about going south so the neighbors can meet baby. Cue the tears. Totally overwhelming. We are really close with these neighbors so it's not unexpected but the pressure (however slight) tumbled me.
My feelings of insecurity had salt rubbed in them and my mood crashed. Should I be traveling with baby already? Should I be doing more chores? Walking farther? And then all the "don't knows" about breastfeeding, cord stumps, baths, rashes, meds crawl out of the woodwork to pile on the agony.
It's been a roller coaster.
Even with the downs I know it hasn't been all bad. The hubster and I have been closer than ever and very grateful for each other. Sharing laughs and basking in the unknown together has been a beautiful experience. I have felt exceptionally close to Baby but find myself sideswiped by feelings of apathy or mild resentment after especially long or fussy feedings-or a 3rd blowout in less than 24 hours! Still, I know it's normal. I know I'm in love even if those feelings are obscured by momentary frustrations.
And with that I'll share some more pics of this new love of mine...
I still haven't compiled a birth story but it's on my radar. I will post it when I get around to it... Still getting settled and still processing some feelings, but definitely want to review it all!
In other news, Fio has been with my parents this past week while we have been adjusting to parenthood. Millie and Iroh have been doing pretty well as pet-siblings, though Iroh has jumped up on the bed and walked over the baby while I'm trying to nurse a couple times. Not to mention trying to eat my sandwich while I was nursing... He just might be on my shitlist! Merf!