Wednesday, September 30, 2015


It's a foggy morning here and I'm out and about early for lab work. Slipping on my shirt and jeans this morning I realized how much better they are fitting and how much weight I've lost since Baby Bananaface was born or even  conceived. 

All my life my weight has been all over the place ( mostly up) and all my life I blamed myself or my family's lifestyle of poor eating habits and yo-yo dieting, but the last few years I've begun seeing the touch of my disease, the influence of medications, depressions, and hypomania over the years along with all the other influences. It's crazy. 

Another thing, no matter how heavy I've been I've always felt weak, fragile. The image of death camp victims or mummified cavemen curled in the fetal position describe my internal self, oh of course I feel like a whale sometimes but deep down I'm undernourished, starved for love and care. I wonder how many other depressive folks share that with me? 

Just a thought on this foggy morning as I snuggle up and wrap more layers upon myself.... All the layers over the years and still a chill... Hmm. 


  1. What an intriguing thought.
    I suspect that many (most?) of us feel fragile in the inside.

  2. OMG. These words. You hit the nail on the head for me. I am overweight and yet I feel so starved for care. I don't even know if I can put it into words. It is if I have no voice. That *everyone* is more important than I am.
    Oh, Hannah. You help me so much. Everyday. I am not kidding. I think about you everyday and send you light and love.

    1. I'm sorry you both feel this way. You are BOTH important. So very much so.

    2. Hugs, Birdie. You said it! I'm like that person who always lets everyone cut in line and then when I get to the counter they don't have any of what I wanted left :( Wishing for wholesome, healthy, strong and calm futures for us both :) Thank you!


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Be well, HBF