Touch and go today. Spent the morning in bed doing puzzles between dozing and taking care of Baby. The hubby came home early (noon) with fast food. I was super hungry as I'd only had some cereal that morning so despite not having an appetite I devoured the burger.
This afternoon was slow going. I spent more time in bed but managed to shower around 4ish? We ran some errands and then came home for dinner. I turned on my phone (it had been off all day, the hubbo wasn't so thrilled about that having read my morning post and not being able to contact me, but I digress) and found a text from my mom.
No intro, just leaped right into talking about my sister and how she's having a boy and sending her some clothes we had found for her a while back. We hadn't spoken or texted since the news broke (apparently I found out a couple days after everyone else, seems to be a trend) but she just went right there, didn't ask me how I've been or anything. Pissed me off.
I'm still struggling to intercept the suicidal/self harming thoughts and try to troubleshoot instead of bottoming out (obviously) but I think I made a little progress, I was at least aware of the thoughts being a stress reaction.
I'm having a hard time getting up the gumption to leap into a moms group or online forum or Facebook group. I think it's the social anxiety and fear of rejection or soaking up others' emotions, a bunch of stuff I guess! Somehow I will just have to try a few things and hope I find some good people... Right now it feels like more trouble than it's worth but I need something to change and I don't think I can trust my brain's opinion all that much at the moment.
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Be well, HBF