Thursday, July 2, 2015

Would it Matter?

Would it matter if my sister had a diagnosable mental illness? What if she did and had it diagnosed? Would it matter? Would it change my life at all? Would anything improve?

If she had a diagnosis would her behavior improve? Might she take better care of herself or communicate better? I'm not really convinced. Awareness does nothing without one taking responsibility.

Would it change the family dynamic? Not likely. I doubt she would be held accountable any more than she is now, having a diagnosis may just engender more coddling and tolerance, surely a scenario that would sting me more than the current one. I'd rather my condition be ignored than to have my sister flagrantly treated with kid gloves once diagnosed with a mental illness similar or identical to mine.

Would a diagnosis make us closer? No. Just look to exhibit A and my sister's "accidental" pregnancy. While under vastly different circumstances one might think that undertaking motherhood around the same time would make us closer, but I believe the opposite has occurred.... Who's to say what the future will bring but right now I see us separated like never before.

Would it matter to my life at all? Maybe I'm just stuck in pessimistic mode but the only things I can see are negative. Being called on more to play co-parent or Mrs. Fix-it, watching my family try to help her and being reminded of all the times I've been left to my own devices, or worst of all having the diagnosis be completely ignored, nothing changing, just another elephant added to the herd that occupies the dead air amid my family.

I know there is no answer I can truly reach with this hypothetical. Maybe the only thing remotely cloase to an answer is that it would matter to me. If my sister were diagnosed it would mean that I'm not crazy about something being not quite right. It would make me feel better about all the anguish I've experienced challenging the status quo of my first family and doubting my observations, my own authority.

I guess that's the only answer I'll ever need.


  1. I think I have mentioned that I have 4 cousins all born within a 13 month period when I was born. My aunts, my mom's sister's in-law were all very close and had a lot of fun when we were all little. The other cousin was my mom's sister. Her daughter and I were born a week apart. You would think that my mom and her sister would have been brought closer together having baby girls born in the same week, but no. My aunt and her daughter are quite "entitled" and look upon me (and my mom when she was alive) as less than. My aunt once got caught gossiping saying that my mom was "very jealous of her lifestyle". She wasn't. At the end of the day, aunt (and my cousin, her daughter) are total hags.

  2. Birdie, I do not have a trophy big enough to commemorate the awesomeness you have bestowed upon my life by dropping the word "hags" in your comment.

    L O V E it!

    I'm sorry about the hagishness you and your mom dealt with but I am glad you shared and to know/be reminded that families aren't perfect and they don't have to be-everyone else can think whatever they want, the hubs, me, and baby can be happy however we damn well please!

  3. lol. I was trying to come up with a word other than bitches!


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Be well, HBF