Saturday, December 19, 2015


Yesterday Depression shouldered his way into our day and nearly ruined it. Well, he ruined the first half for sure as I ended up suicidal and in bed. That afternoon the hubs encouraged me into the shower and while I refused to eat, he made me eat and we went out to finish the Christmas shopping. We had had plans of going to see the new Star Wars but BB was too sick for daycare (in our opinion) and I was... incapable.

In the end it wasn't total loss. We ended the day on a much better note than we started. I think emailing my psychiatrist that morning set me into a slide. I had a couple incidents where I felt impulses to do harm to BB not just the thoughts and it really freaked me out. Feeling my lack of progress so keenly was quite upsetting.

Planning to get active today and get Fio out on a walk-we'll see how many bigger dogs he frightens this time! Also want to hit the Y before I make some peppermint bark and do some chores. I think every new mother should get a massive washer/dryer cuz keeping up with laundry now is an Olympic event.

Oh. Off risperidone and up on lamictal. Woo.


  1. Glad you made it through yesterday. Here's to a much better day ahead.

  2. Yay for getting through yesterday. Not easy, but you did it.
    Echoing The Happy Whisk for today, and all future days.

  3. Hannah, I am so proud of you for getting through it! Yes!

  4. This time of the year sucks for so many reasons. The endless darkness in the Pacific Northwest, Christmas and all the shit and stress that brings along. And for good measure, throw in some fucking depression. Makes you want to sleep though to after the new year.
    I hope you get to see Star Wars soon!

  5. I'm so sorry about all this Hannah. Hoping for much better days for you. Hang in there, kiddo. And remember we're all here for you. {{{hugs}}}

  6. Thanks everyone, we were glad to make something of it instead of getting swept under!


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Be well, HBF